Over the last two weeks, I've been watching Glenn Beck's show on Fox News. He's been talking about the power of the individual, how we can solve our own problems, instead of waiting around for the government to do it for us. It inspired me a bit, but I don't really know what I can do to help. I'm an artist, not an engineer. This has made me question the point of the story. If it's just a fantasy piece, am I wasting my time?
These are dark times. I cling to the hope of heaven so much because it really gets me through days when it feels the world itself is despairing. I've been working on this project for eight or nine months so far and in that time I've begun to really long for Christ's return. Tonight I felt it the deepest. After church this morning, someone told me a lady we know is really down, enough to say she'd lost her faith. She's one of the strongest women I know, and at that moment, a cloud came over me. What is happening that everyone is struggling so much? It feels like the sun has indeed gone out.
I think these may be the last days. I know the great depression and the holocaust were extremely bad times, but it seems the world is all in a gradual decline. I don't see how this could not turn into world war 3. I just pray that Jesus returns soon before we all lose hope.
Maybe I'm wrong in saying it's divine providence that I write this story. But maybe I'm supposed to write it because the times are so bad. Maybe that's what my purpose is: a light in the darkness! If everything were peachy, it wouldn't have nearly the impact! More than once since I've started this project have I heard these words, and only now are they sinking in: "...who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” -Esther 4:14
For such a time as this. =)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
If the Chinese immigrant says it's true...
You will become an accomplished writer.
This is the fortune I got in my fortune cookie last night. The ones I get always seem to match my life. Do people who can't read get fortunes like this one? It's like the magic 8-ball. Totally random, but kind of fun to see. =)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Be the story
You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. -2 Cor. 3:3
In yesterday's 'Daily Bread' I read that it's lovely to write a book, but it's even better to be a book. In his book, The Practice of Piety, Lewis Bayly, chaplain to England's King James I, said that "one who hopes to effect any good by his writings" will find that he will "instruct very few...the most powerful means, therefore, of promoting what is good is by example...One man in a thousand can write a book to instruct his neighbors...But every man can be a pattern of living excellence to those around him."
I thought this was profound. It never occurred to me that my life might speak louder than the words of any story I could write. Yet I'm also reminded that there are some things that can't be shown by how we live. The purpose of this story is not to "instruct" others about how to do good, but to show them the reason we are changed, to show "the hope that we have". People think that heaven is a place where everyone hangs around on clouds and strums harps and somehow has wings. And they think that version of heaven is where eternity will be. So when we say "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" (Hebrew 6:19), it doesn't sound like it's all that great. Certainly not that it could be so wonderful that no amount of suffering could outweigh it.
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words." -1 Thess. 4:13-18
That's all I want to do. I want to say that this hope isn't fantasy. It's not just words in an old book. It's history that hasn't occurred yet. For Christians this is just extending what they already know or have imagined about the afterlife. For those who "separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world." (Ephesians 2:12)
Furthermore, everyone says that believing in Christ will give you a better life, more joy, hope for salvation, but we say nothing of heaven; we say nothing of everything that is to come. I'm going to do just that.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23
In yesterday's 'Daily Bread' I read that it's lovely to write a book, but it's even better to be a book. In his book, The Practice of Piety, Lewis Bayly, chaplain to England's King James I, said that "one who hopes to effect any good by his writings" will find that he will "instruct very few...the most powerful means, therefore, of promoting what is good is by example...One man in a thousand can write a book to instruct his neighbors...But every man can be a pattern of living excellence to those around him."
I thought this was profound. It never occurred to me that my life might speak louder than the words of any story I could write. Yet I'm also reminded that there are some things that can't be shown by how we live. The purpose of this story is not to "instruct" others about how to do good, but to show them the reason we are changed, to show "the hope that we have". People think that heaven is a place where everyone hangs around on clouds and strums harps and somehow has wings. And they think that version of heaven is where eternity will be. So when we say "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" (Hebrew 6:19), it doesn't sound like it's all that great. Certainly not that it could be so wonderful that no amount of suffering could outweigh it.
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words." -1 Thess. 4:13-18
That's all I want to do. I want to say that this hope isn't fantasy. It's not just words in an old book. It's history that hasn't occurred yet. For Christians this is just extending what they already know or have imagined about the afterlife. For those who "separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world." (Ephesians 2:12)
Furthermore, everyone says that believing in Christ will give you a better life, more joy, hope for salvation, but we say nothing of heaven; we say nothing of everything that is to come. I'm going to do just that.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Biblia
I found a Bible tool online so I can look up Georgian next to English. I thought this would be awesome if my boy character wanted to send a bible verse for my girl character in Georgian. (Still undecided as to names.) I haven't figured out if it should be in Georgian writing or in Latin (the letters most languages use). I just wanted to share this because it's something that came to mind today kind of randomly (if that ever really happens ;-))
I just thought since Georgian is not a very well known language, it should be in the book somehow, right? I mean I can't imply they're speaking Georgian all the time and not have any actual Georgian in there. I think I'm just avoiding it because that means I'd have to actually learn Georgian and that's a big undertaking--including grammar and all of that. I think I'm going to need to find someone who is a native speaker. I do have someone in mind, but we're just getting acquainted and I don't want to ask something so huge of her so soon in our friendship.
I just thought since Georgian is not a very well known language, it should be in the book somehow, right? I mean I can't imply they're speaking Georgian all the time and not have any actual Georgian in there. I think I'm just avoiding it because that means I'd have to actually learn Georgian and that's a big undertaking--including grammar and all of that. I think I'm going to need to find someone who is a native speaker. I do have someone in mind, but we're just getting acquainted and I don't want to ask something so huge of her so soon in our friendship.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Gilocav shoba, Sakartvelo!
Today is Christmas Day for those of the Orthodox faith. According to Wikipedia, the Orthodox Church (with the exception of Romania, Estonia and Finland) still use the Julian calendar for calculating the dates of moveable feasts. Some Orthodox churches have adopted the Revised Julian calendar for the observance of fixed feasts, while other Orthodox churches retain the Julian calendar for all purposes. Christmas for Georgians is still on December 25th, which aligns with January 7th on the Gregorian calendar, used for everyday life.
I've been listening to a song called "25 Dekembersa k’riste ishva Betlemsao, Alilo" which I think means '25th of December Christ was born in Bethlehem, Hallelujah'. Something like that. I like listening to songs in Georgian. It's like learning a language in slow motion. ^.^
I've been listening to a song called "25 Dekembersa k’riste ishva Betlemsao, Alilo" which I think means '25th of December Christ was born in Bethlehem, Hallelujah'. Something like that. I like listening to songs in Georgian. It's like learning a language in slow motion. ^.^
Monday, January 3, 2011
From Paper to Text
9:04pm
I have so many papers written that I think it's time to type them up so they can be managed on the computer. At this point, I'm writing everything out of sequence so it's really easy for my papers to get out of order and all kinds of chaos. This is another big step in the process and means it's really coming along. =) I'm trying not to get critical about anything just yet because it's all so rough at this stage. Maybe that's why even now I'm putting off doing it--I know I'll nitpick? So far I'm not much impressed with anything I've written, but give it time. I know somehow it will turn out.
9:16pm
This has been a packed year for me. The list includes two marriages (one being my brother's), numerous graduations, the loss of thirty pounds, renewed health because of that loss, miscellaneous revelations about my life and what I want to do, and this incredible knowledge of so much more than me and this world.
My story isn't just a story. It's a collection of feelings and experiences that any of us could have. It's the story of everyone who came before us, and everyone who waits for us. I feel inept at translating my feelings from my heart onto the paper because it's something that doesn't really fit into words. It's destiny, hope, love, LIFE. It's everything we've ever dreamed and more. The story is just a mere imitation of the ideas I've come to hold dear, but it can't go untold. I have to write it down. Transferring it from one to the other has been the greatest journey. I was unsure before, but now I know wholeheartedly that this is what I was meant to do.
Recently I've started drawing closer to God. It happened one day when I was so exhausted mentally from trying to do things on my own strength that I felt physically weak. I cried out to God in that moment and he started reeling me in. Every day I've been diving into the word. My sister-in-law gave me a book with devotions that are written as though Jesus is talking to me. It's the most wonderful thing I've read. I can't wait until He really is speaking to me and I can actually hear His voice. Something has changed, and though I tend to yo-yo back and forth from Him, I know that something's different. I see my struggles as contained within each day. Before I considered them all strung together, each wave of forgiveness having to cover all of them. And if I screwed up once I felt terrible (as I should) but in a incredibly condemned way. Now I look at each day as new. Instead of saying I fell yesterday so what's the use in getting up today, I now don't even look at yesterday's mistakes. They're covered. I don't have to make the same mistakes today. I think that's what it means to be free while on this earth. Not being weighed down with every failure. To make a long story short, I've grown a lot this year, in ways I can't possibly realize now. If I hadn't been working on this story...I don't think much of that would have happened.
I have so many papers written that I think it's time to type them up so they can be managed on the computer. At this point, I'm writing everything out of sequence so it's really easy for my papers to get out of order and all kinds of chaos. This is another big step in the process and means it's really coming along. =) I'm trying not to get critical about anything just yet because it's all so rough at this stage. Maybe that's why even now I'm putting off doing it--I know I'll nitpick? So far I'm not much impressed with anything I've written, but give it time. I know somehow it will turn out.
9:16pm
This has been a packed year for me. The list includes two marriages (one being my brother's), numerous graduations, the loss of thirty pounds, renewed health because of that loss, miscellaneous revelations about my life and what I want to do, and this incredible knowledge of so much more than me and this world.
My story isn't just a story. It's a collection of feelings and experiences that any of us could have. It's the story of everyone who came before us, and everyone who waits for us. I feel inept at translating my feelings from my heart onto the paper because it's something that doesn't really fit into words. It's destiny, hope, love, LIFE. It's everything we've ever dreamed and more. The story is just a mere imitation of the ideas I've come to hold dear, but it can't go untold. I have to write it down. Transferring it from one to the other has been the greatest journey. I was unsure before, but now I know wholeheartedly that this is what I was meant to do.
Recently I've started drawing closer to God. It happened one day when I was so exhausted mentally from trying to do things on my own strength that I felt physically weak. I cried out to God in that moment and he started reeling me in. Every day I've been diving into the word. My sister-in-law gave me a book with devotions that are written as though Jesus is talking to me. It's the most wonderful thing I've read. I can't wait until He really is speaking to me and I can actually hear His voice. Something has changed, and though I tend to yo-yo back and forth from Him, I know that something's different. I see my struggles as contained within each day. Before I considered them all strung together, each wave of forgiveness having to cover all of them. And if I screwed up once I felt terrible (as I should) but in a incredibly condemned way. Now I look at each day as new. Instead of saying I fell yesterday so what's the use in getting up today, I now don't even look at yesterday's mistakes. They're covered. I don't have to make the same mistakes today. I think that's what it means to be free while on this earth. Not being weighed down with every failure. To make a long story short, I've grown a lot this year, in ways I can't possibly realize now. If I hadn't been working on this story...I don't think much of that would have happened.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Season of Giving
Four days ago, as a Christmas present to myself, I bought an mp3 player. I have five full CDs of songs for my story that I like to listen to while I write. My problem for the last ten months or so has been that I have to be in my room to listen to them. I had a portable CD player for a little while before it abruptly quit working. I even bought ear buds so I could sit out on the porch with it and not look ridiculous. But that still didn't solve the issue of having to change CDs constantly to go to a new song which happened to be for the same scene, but on a different CD. Very annoying to say the least. So this is something that I really needed. I never buy things for myself. I love spending money as much as anyone, but I'm much too conscious of how much things cost and it's so easy to lose or break things that I just don't splurge often. I have only had it a few days and I'm already in love with it. It's really about time, I think. I've actually started using it while I do housework and exercise and I'm even going to take it with me when I clean someone's house next week. The best part is that I can sit at my window and really get into what I'm writing about. I've come up with such great material since buying it. I really think this is going to help me, and I feel like it's a blessing from God. After all, I feel like He's behind all of this and surely He will provide tools to help me. Does that sound weird? Like saying 'I thank God for this big screen TV...' And why do I need to feel bad anyway? I always feel like people will judge me if I get something for myself since I don't have a job (technically) and since we were very short on money not too long ago. I'm just not going to beat myself up about it. I get into trouble when I 'perceive' that people are judging me when they have never said, or probably thought, anything of the sort.
While playing jolly Christmas songs and trying to figure out my girl's world, I came up with an idea for how she could take what she learned from Alex and put it to good use in the States. I wanted her to grow some and become more generous like the Georgians. That's probably all I can say without giving away a pretty big piece of the plot. If this story even has one. ;-) Anyway, I chose to write about her Christmas break from school since it's Christmas time and all. *sigh* This would make a lot more sense and not be so dry if I could actually tell you what's going to happen!
While playing jolly Christmas songs and trying to figure out my girl's world, I came up with an idea for how she could take what she learned from Alex and put it to good use in the States. I wanted her to grow some and become more generous like the Georgians. That's probably all I can say without giving away a pretty big piece of the plot. If this story even has one. ;-) Anyway, I chose to write about her Christmas break from school since it's Christmas time and all. *sigh* This would make a lot more sense and not be so dry if I could actually tell you what's going to happen!
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