This morning in my devotional time I read about eternity and being alive forever in Christ. When I think very deeply about forever, and try to fathom the concept of going on and on and on without end...it kind of hurts my brain.
I asked my mom if the thought had the same effect on her and she just shrugged and said, 'Not really.' I began to wonder if maybe God has given me a gift in being able to deeply understand His truths. Once in high school I thought about what it must have been like before anything came into being; before the world when there was just God and perhaps nothing but darkness outside of God's light. It's hard to imagine a time when there were no stars, no sun, no planets, no people. It's one thing to just scratch the surface of that thought, but let yourself really get lost in that idea. It should be truly mind-blowing. At least it is for me. And that's exactly my point! Am I the only one who gets how big these subjects are? Forever! The human mind doesn't know the true meaning of that word. Nothing we have now lasts forever. Spring ends; years end; lives end--everything ends. What's it like to go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever?
I think typically when we imagine heaven, we imagine an end to the heaven that exists now, and the beginning of our time on the new earth. It's comfortable for us to think of things as having an ending, so when I think about forever--and I mean really think about it--I literally have to stop at some point because it gets overwhelming.
Recently I've been listening to this song called Kiss of Heaven and it goes like this:
I'm walking a new walk, never be the same again
Dancing a new dance in Your Holy Spirit rain
Your breath of life has overwhelmed me and set my spirit free
I'm living a new life underneath Your morning star
Running a new race in the shadow of Your love
Your love is immeasurable too deep to comprehend
My Jesus, dream maker. My Jesus, life giver
I'm living under the kiss of heaven and I'll never ever be the same again
I'm singing a new song in the presence of my King
Giving You my heart, that is all that I can bring
You lit a fire inside of me that I thought would never burn again
The reason this song has special meaning for me is because I remember a summer night when I was twelve and I looked up at the stars and knew I wanted something more than this, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I'd always had a great imagination, and that fire is finally burning in me again for eternity, much more so than it ever has. I feel that God is opening windows and letting me in on things that I never understood before. I have been blessed with a very curious mind and I tend to be able to think outside the box. The other day I said, "what is taste?" Most people don't ask such questions, but I do. Is that strange? I just hunger for knowledge of everything all the time. I want to know...I just want to know whatever there is that's worth knowing. So I ask weird questions. ;-) Maybe the Spirit inside me is showing me how big eternity is and that's why I feel overwhelmed by the thought. Bottom line: I feel different.