The World of Art and Creativity

4:35pm

Over the last several years I've tried to find my place in the world. At first I wanted to be a photographer, and had I gone to college, that is what I would have studied. Now I know it would have been a mistake. I needed time to find myself and to try different mediums of art. However, because I am no closer to self-sufficiency than I was at eighteen, I have begun to feel very useless to the world. I know I have something special to offer, I just can't figure out exactly how to offer it, other than the books this blog is dedicated to. I see that as my greatest purpose, but surely not the only one. I am sure there must be other means of making a living, and as my prospects as a college student are non-existent, I have no choice but to find it. With all of this weighing so heavily on me, particularly as I celebrated turning twenty-five this year, I needed some encouragement. Some of the last words I wrote in my journal just yesterday and the thoughts I had while praying in the shower this morning were basically along the lines of "What am I going to do now?" and "How can I succeed?" 

When I went to make my morning cup of tea, Mom had the radio on, and there I heard a guest talking about how very artistic and crafty people have a hard time finding their niche in today's economy. She says sometimes we are good at so many things that it's hard to commit to just one, or we feel we are going to get stuck with something that will burn us out in the long run. It was very encouraging to hear someone who knew what I was going through. I don't know that there is anything I can do right now, and I want to get this first book "published", but it's good to know that there is someone out there who gets that college is not the only way to success. I am currently having a hard time even getting a really simple part-time job--just something to start, since I've never worked outside the family business. It's really daunting to try to do anything too big, and my "big" is usually "small" to most people. In my current situation, I can't go to college to improve my artistic skills. I'm outside the age of scholarships and I can't possibly get a loan with no job. I am also a bit of a rebel when it comes to the college system. I believe a lot of college is wasted trying to earn credits doing things like dancing and cake decorating that has nothing to do with one's major. If I'm going to spend my time and money, I want to spend all of it on what is relevant. Call me crazy.

Anyway, next I turned to my devotional time and to my amazement, the devotion for today is about how some things that are giant steps for one person are baby steps for another. I know I have quoted this before (likely last year at this time ;)) but it was incredible to see something so appropriate for today. 

So for now, I'm going to focus on getting this story finished and keep improving my artwork however I can. We'll see where God takes me. I don't want to not do anything, but it seems every time I try to step out and do something, I hit a million obstacles.