The World of Art and Creativity

4:35pm

Over the last several years I've tried to find my place in the world. At first I wanted to be a photographer, and had I gone to college, that is what I would have studied. Now I know it would have been a mistake. I needed time to find myself and to try different mediums of art. However, because I am no closer to self-sufficiency than I was at eighteen, I have begun to feel very useless to the world. I know I have something special to offer, I just can't figure out exactly how to offer it, other than the books this blog is dedicated to. I see that as my greatest purpose, but surely not the only one. I am sure there must be other means of making a living, and as my prospects as a college student are non-existent, I have no choice but to find it. With all of this weighing so heavily on me, particularly as I celebrated turning twenty-five this year, I needed some encouragement. Some of the last words I wrote in my journal just yesterday and the thoughts I had while praying in the shower this morning were basically along the lines of "What am I going to do now?" and "How can I succeed?" 

When I went to make my morning cup of tea, Mom had the radio on, and there I heard a guest talking about how very artistic and crafty people have a hard time finding their niche in today's economy. She says sometimes we are good at so many things that it's hard to commit to just one, or we feel we are going to get stuck with something that will burn us out in the long run. It was very encouraging to hear someone who knew what I was going through. I don't know that there is anything I can do right now, and I want to get this first book "published", but it's good to know that there is someone out there who gets that college is not the only way to success. I am currently having a hard time even getting a really simple part-time job--just something to start, since I've never worked outside the family business. It's really daunting to try to do anything too big, and my "big" is usually "small" to most people. In my current situation, I can't go to college to improve my artistic skills. I'm outside the age of scholarships and I can't possibly get a loan with no job. I am also a bit of a rebel when it comes to the college system. I believe a lot of college is wasted trying to earn credits doing things like dancing and cake decorating that has nothing to do with one's major. If I'm going to spend my time and money, I want to spend all of it on what is relevant. Call me crazy.

Anyway, next I turned to my devotional time and to my amazement, the devotion for today is about how some things that are giant steps for one person are baby steps for another. I know I have quoted this before (likely last year at this time ;)) but it was incredible to see something so appropriate for today. 

So for now, I'm going to focus on getting this story finished and keep improving my artwork however I can. We'll see where God takes me. I don't want to not do anything, but it seems every time I try to step out and do something, I hit a million obstacles.      

No better than rape

6:42pm

In today's sermon our pastor talked about what it means to know God. John 17:3 says: "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." The Bible uses the same word "know" to describe sexual intimacy between a man and a woman. "He 'knew' her." 

Marriage between a man and a woman is like the marriage of Christ and the Church. I've known this for some time, but only recently has it sunk in. It suddenly occurred to me that one of the many reasons sexual immorality is so prevalent in the world is because we have a deep longing for intimacy with God. But we aren't longing for just a little intimacy like sharing secrets or a kiss--to put it in human terms of love. We long for something deep and profound. It might be called spiritual sex. A strange thought, I know. 

I once heard someone say that God allows us to choose whether or not we want to be with Him for eternity, and that He is being a gentleman by not making us be with Him when we don't want to be. I think most would agree that anyone who would force someone to marry them and to sleep with them is no gentleman. Yet that is what so many ask of God when they suggest that everyone should be allowed into heaven, even those who violently resisted God all of their lives. If a king lived in the only beautiful place in the world and the rest was a thorny wasteland, and if the one he loved did not love him back, would it be gentlemanly for him to force her to live with him when she wanted to be free? The fact is, forcing her would be no better than rape. 

If you like, you can picture Christ as that king, who went out into the barrenness for thirty years to draw her to him. He willingly died by the hand of those who loved the darkness, and even then it didn't guarantee that she would come to him. He proposed; now he must wait for her answer--an answer that could take her entire lifetime. I don't know about you, but our story is the best love story ever written. Thank you, Jesus, lover of our souls.  

Lanturn lights and Dusk

10:43pm

I just spent a very refreshing two hours writing out on my porch. Everything flowed freely and I'm thrilled with the result! I would have finished earlier, seeing as it is getting pretty late, but I didn't know if I would remember what I wanted to put down, and I didn't want to stop halfway through. I was going to settle for the little bit of work on the plot outline that I managed to get done before dinner--(including a new element that almost made me cry just reading the outline)--but I'm glad I went back out for a second round. It feels good to make that much progress in a single day! 

The Rising Sun

9:44am

When I peeked out my window and saw that the sun was shining onto the porch, and felt the breeze coming in, I was moved to go out and spend some time with God. I am reading the book of Psalms and this is from today's chapter:

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course." Psalm 19:1-5

and then in my devotional:

"And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." - Luke 1:76-79

Isn't it amazing when you hear barely a whisper calling you and you obey to be rewarded more than you could have imagined?

In this story I find one of my purposes in life. I asked God last night as I crawled into bed, if this was really what He wanted and if He wanted me to be an artist. If I am to "give his people the knowledge of salvation", this story seems a magnificent way to do it. Rather than diminishing, the desire to see it come into being seems to be stronger every day and every time I ask God what He thinks.

Also, rather early on I thought about having the Second Coming of Christ be like the dawn; like the sun rising on a dark world. It's good to know I'm at least in line with scripture. ;)

My uncle is out mowing the grass just now, so I'm glad I took advantage of the peace and quiet while I could!

Structural Overhaul

5:23pm

This afternoon I came to the conclusion that the first and the second books should be split into two books each. That's four books. (When I say "books", I'm not talking about novel-sized 300-pagers. I have no idea how long these stories will actually be. I figure they should be long enough to allow good character development, but short enough to get to the point. I'm a very get-to-the-point kind of writer ;)) I rejected that idea for a long time because I couldn't imagine writing an entire story about Georgia. It is so difficult to gather information about a country I have never been to that is not very well known. Plus it takes place during a time of war in a tiny village. Any of those factors will make a story challenging, but all four of them make it extremely daunting. Fortunately, I've come across quite a few Peace Corps volunteers' blogs and videos that show what it is like through the eyes of an American. Those resources have been absolutely invaluable. I'm not sure if a lot more information has become available about Georgia since 2010 or if I've just gotten better at googling. Maybe both.

Georgian wine and supra

I managed to write 2 + 1/2 pages tonight on the topic of Georgia, specifically a supra, which was fun, but somewhat hard to explain. Thank God for Youtube!!

I found a very interesting video today showing how Georgians make wine and that many Georgians have their own grapevines and Kvevri, or underground clay jars, which they use to make their own wine. I'm curious about the taste of Georgian wine. I don't really care for wine bought in America, probably because it's cheap and also because it's probably crap compared to the supposed "really good stuff" in other countries. The fact that Georgian wine can be an amber color has me intrigued. Look for that in my story. ; )

Drawing From Reality

Sometimes expressing myself is frustrating. Nothing seems adequate for capturing the images that live inside me. It's like a drawing of a landscape: it isn't close enough to the actual landscape to really do it justice. As my skills improve, the drawing becomes more and more accurate, but it will still never reach a full likeness. C.S. Lewis said: "How far the life of the risen man will be sensory, we do not know. But I surmise that it will differ from the sensory life we know here, not as emptiness differs from water or water from wine but as a flower differs from a bulb or a cathedral from an architect's drawing." I get discouraged because I want to show the cathedral and I'm forced to be satisfied with an architect's drawing. I guess that is just the reality we live in, though I'm still pretty young. Maybe someday I will be able to use film and music to express myself. But no matter the medium, the point is we can never really achieve the one thing that all artists strive for: for that picture to come alive outside of ourselves in exactly the way that we intended. In this world it can't be done.

Here's more C.S. Lewis =)

"For though we shall be 'as the angels' and made 'like unto' our Master, I think this means 'like with the likeness proper to men': as different instruments that play the same air but each in its own fashion. How far the life of the risen man will be sensory, we do not know. But I surmise that it will differ from the sensory life we know here, not as emptiness differs from water or water from wine but as a flower differs from a bulb or a cathedral from an architect's drawing."

"Let us picture a woman thrown into a dungeon. There she bears and rears a son. He grows up seeing nothing but the dungeon...This unfortunate woman was an artist...With her pencil she attempts to show him what fields, rivers, mountains, cities and waves on a beach are like. He is a dutiful boy and he does his best to believe her when she tells him that that outer world is far more interesting and glorious than anything in the dungeon...one day, he says something that gives his mother pause. Finally it dawns on her that he has, all these years, lived under a misconception. 'But,' she gasps, 'You didn't think the real world was full of lines drawn in lead pencil?' 'What?' says the boy. 'No pencil marks there?' And instantly his whole notion of the outer world becomes a blank. For the lines, by which alone he has imagined it, have now been denied of it. He has no idea of that which will exclude and dispense with the lines, that of which the lines were merely a transposition -- ...the coloured three-dimensional realities which are not enclosed in lines but define their own shapes [in a way] no drawing could ever achieve. The child will get the idea that the real world is somehow less visible than his mother's pictures. In reality it lacks lines because it is incomparably more visible.

So with us. ... Our natural experiences...are only like the drawing....if they vanish in the risen life, they will vanish only as pencil lines vanish from the real landscape; not as a candle flame that is put out but as a candle flame which becomes invisible because someone has pulled up the blind, thrown open the shutters, and let in the blaze of the risen sun." -- C.S. Lewis