I've been wondering if my dedication to this story is healthy. In my devotional it says "anything you spend the most time on becomes your god". It seems like nothing like this should be obsessed over or thought about constantly. The thing is I'm not really obsessing over it...I'm just thinking a lot about God and mankind and all that makes up the big picture. I've had this voice in the back of my head saying something is wrong with me, but well...I have a lot of time free to think. Wouldn't you think about this kind of stuff if you were stuck inside more than the average person? And in winter? I think you would. So I know I'm not really obsessing. And anyway, isn't this what I'm supposed to obsess over, if anything? Wouldn't God be pleased if I was obsessed with him? I feel like maybe I'm finally turning in the right direction and paying attention to God and his work, and that seems foreign to everyone. Maybe that's why it feels like it's wrong...like we should be doing 'more important things' like what everyone else does instead of spending time trying to understand our reality in its fullest. A lot of the writing I've done and the research has helped me grow in the Spirit, and also to learn more about other ways of worship.
For the record, when I say a lot...I don't mean I'm with my pen and pad all day long. I probably spend less than an hour even actively working on any part of my story, even ideas. But things come to me during the day, and I think about those who have been lost actively through the day. Maybe not when I'm busy, but certainly when I'm in a more restful state, just puttering around the house. It's hard not to feel watched when I've heard there is a 'great cloud of witnesses'. Maybe I don't want witnesses. But it's hard not to think about them when I know they might be watching and sometimes I wonder what they're thinking about. Do they see everything? It's important that I wonder about this because at some point it's going to be in my second story.
I think that's all it really is. Because this story is so deeply rooted in not just present reality, but in another reality, that I can't help but get lost in it. If you sit still for a moment and just think about existing forever and ever without end. Absolutely no ending. It is such a huge concept to fathom. It's quite overpowering. This is the kind of stuff I have to take in every day. So it's going to take effort and an a lot of brain power. See? I've answered my own question. You try writing about eternity and not let it overpower your thoughts. It's a huge undertaking, even if I've not really begun that part. As I said, I have to figure it out sometime...I may as well start wondering now.